


6 Months

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oneshot, Poetry, SasuNaru - Freeform, Short One Shot, grieving!Sasuke, poetry-type format, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5266808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Each month has its hardships. SasuNaru. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	6 Months

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags. Be wary of triggers.

_**6 months** _

**One** month without you and 'I miss you' doesn't even begin to describe the torment that latches itself onto my heart. It never leaves me; even as I sleep, I dream of nothing but you and I. And I'm falling deeper into insanity with every day that inches past, oh so slowly. So slowly, I can't help but want to scream. 

And sometimes I do;

Scream.

Because what else is there to do, while my chest is hollow and my tears are dissipated?

The shock of it all wore off not so long ago, but long enough for me to be able to escape that unspeakable hospital. The one in which you took your last breaths. Because without you here watching over me, your laughter to distract me from the pulsing pain, and your feather touches to take away the overbearing ache, I don't think I'll be able to continue on this meaningless life much longer.  

 

 **Two** months and contemplations flurry throughout my head. Contemplations that, when you were here, you easily replaced with your euphoric smile and penetrating, cerulean eyes. But that's not the case anymore. 

I rely on my old friend, Razor,

as he slices against my skin

and attempts to hide the deeper pain I so desperately wish to unleash onto my body.

And I'm drowning in myself, 

In our memories,

In our touches,

And:

In our conversations that no one else ever had the privilege of hearing.

Because if I don’t; if I don't think about these wonderful _painful_ things,

I just may end up joining you, and I know you wouldn’t want that for me yet.

 

 **Three** months and I want to condemn you, but I know it's me who's in the wrong. I want to punch you, and kick you, and _kiss_ _you_ for leaving me, for _listening_ to me.

It was a normal argument, yet over something so meaningless it had no right to pluck away your life. I've forgotten what it was that I said, that made your eyes wander from the road and onto me.

For one measly second, it was me who disturbed you.

It was me who forced us to combine with the speeding car,

in a way that left the paramedics grimacing

as I watched them through teary eyes,

lifting your body from the crash's aftermath.

I’ve wished for many things in my life, but the one thing I wish for most,

is that it was me instead.

 

 **Four** months and your name is no longer even a whisper on the lips of our friends. At least, not around me. The conversations consisting of "how are you's", and "it gets better's" were pushed away by the icy walls I am quickly rebuilding. The walls that you so annoyingly, thankfully, cruelly, took the time to melt.

I utter no good words, unless they are directed to your tombstone. 

They talk about moving on, but what pain that they have experienced, compares to my loss of you? The unimaginable guilt, and anger, and wonder, I carry is not your fault, Naruto, only mine.  

And how can I dare take another step into the world, without the fear of losing everything else in my life? Yet there is hardly anything left to lose, as you took up much of that title yourself. 

Without you by my side, I am just another half,

an empty shell of a person

who can only communicate through cheap beers

and who wallows away with the thoughts of _what could have been._

No one else can fill my void and complete me as naturally as you did,

and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

 **Five** months and I’m numb from the inside out. My weekly visits to you turn into every other week,

because the sight of your name on stone makes my stomach churn with many more emotions than I'd ever invite to admit. 

Never daring because It's _scary_ to realize how much of my existence

hung limply, freely, happily,

with yours; _because_ of yours. 

And how much it still does. I drink away my numbness, but never to the point

to where someone else is allowed to touch me

on the skin blessed by your faded love marks.

I'm only yours, Naruto.

So why don’t you come back and take me?

 

 **Six** months and I don't give a fuck anymore about what you want. 

If my life is truly meant to be lived, how can I do that without you? Without the very existence who gave me fresh oxygen to breath,

crisp words to fight against,

and a loving hand that for once, never asked for anything in return?

Am I supposed to linger on this earth like everything is fine,

to pretend that inside I am _not_ slowly being ripped apart,

piece by piece from the guilt that bores over me

for causing you to leave your dreams 

at such a young age? And my mind wages war on itself at a daily basis,

wondering: _“if I killed myself now, would I be able to see you?”_

I was never one to believe in life after death.  _I was never as optimistic as you._  

Yet the longer you’re gone, the more hopeful I become. I think, even if I die and am only surrounded by darkness,

that that will surely be better than living in reality, for no matter how painful distance can be, 

not having you in my life is much, much worse. And if I were gone, I would no longer have to witness the smiling faces of others as they continue on their ignorant lives,

never knowing you, or your beauty

and how our threads of life,

which were so completely tied,

were simply decimated,

pulverized,

as if they never really mattered.

As if you never existed at all.

 _Six_ months, and I'm dead along with you.

  **end** **.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you cried, I know I did.


End file.
